<i gave you my heart but you broke it */> window.defaultStatus=" i give you my heart";
Saturday, September 02, 2006


i have been told to post.
well, so i am.
i have been thinking about what to post.
and i have come up with a few topics.
rage(as i said i would post about in my tag on jess' blog), teachers' day(which is almost the talk of the town now) and the last, random, just what i feel like typing now.
as the three fight it out in my brain cells, i shall blog about maths SA.
it was HARRD. and as usual, i made many careless mistakes, unecessary ones too. i have this strong gut feeling i'm not going to do well. i don't know why. its like when i looked at all those equations my mind was blank, and my hand just wrote. mechanically, i finished the test. mechanically, i made so many mistakes. and mechanically, i started moaning and groaning about the test right after, with joey practically strangling me during history.
okay, after a tough battle, i have decided to post about all three. i know this mind battle thing is quite lame, but i don't know why, but i'm getting lamer by the day. its just, well, weird.

teachers' day.
seeing that oh so familiar place, i could cry man. that music room i blew the silly recorder in, the netball courts where those happy pe days were, the beloved classroom that was once mine, the canteen, from which my fishcake and prawn mee was sold. not forgetting the soya bean drink.
with shanjee, varsha, jingyi, fangying, danqiong and linwen, we traversed back to home soil. (so mushy) seeing mrs chan was the best thing in the whole day. she was still the same, nice and caring, and telling us not to bring presents next time.
we chatted, played netball, did the lamest things and walked around school, stopping every few minutes to talk to teachers.
boy, it was wonderful to be back again.
but it didn't last for long though.
sarah, shijia, ying xiang, layching, shuli, monica, wandong, steph, yulin, shiqi, all of them.
mrs chan, mrs dadwall, mr low, ms foo, mdm chua, mr tang, mr seet, ms chow, ms wong, mrs lee.
ahh. and lots more. but you gt what i'm saying.
i shall stop ranting.
time won't turn back.


okay. on to rage.
rage, as i watched RI concert, was the emotion in you as you struggled madly to move your blistered hands up and down the million frets on the guitar, or so i felt. it was the overflowing expressions put in the songs, each and every piece, down to the not-so-rock rock band and the beautiful performance by Kovan kok, the chairperson of RI guitar. why rage? i really don't know. the title must be of significance though. but through the concert, i found out rage could be a beautiful thing.
rage is so simple, it comes up in you every few minutes. rage when you can't get the damn maths problem done, rage when you realised you have told a lie, rage when you think of the broken friendship with her, rage when you feel that there is so little time on your hands, rage when you realise you really miss rulang, rage at your friends, at your family, for every tiny, most insignificant detail.
yet rage is unstoppable. by that one angry word of yours, a person could get hurt. by pulling a black face when you know its your fault in the first place,you might get an intense scolding. rage could make you fall from up high, down to your two heels(not twohill-its just my lame side acting up), till you realise you shouldn't have flared up, its too late. she's walking away with tears brimming. you're banging your fists on the table. its well, a typical quarrel, by our typical rage instilled in all of us.
when rage consumes you, you feel your whole body getting heated up, you feel irritated, pissed, you feel like slamming that door, you feel like throwing that algebra worksheet on the floor, you feel like slapping your friend.
but oh, its so wrong, so wrong. rage is wrong.
but how do you stop it?
how do you stop that anger from brimming from the surface? a door stopper? a hankerchief? a cane?
its impossible.
but when the damage is done, clear the debris.
say sorry.
say that magical word.
the rubble won't disappear, but your fist'll stop shaking. you can inhale. you can overcome rage, that silly anger in you.

i'm sorry.
if i have hurt those friends out there, or my family, sorry.

gave my heart */ on 10:35:00 PM